How’s that for an uplifting title?
I offer no apologies – the subject of this article applies in any evil scenario you could possibly dream up, and it almost always applies to all parties involved, perps and victims alike:
Abuse (all degrees and types)
…and so on. It’s the foundation of every topic I will cover in the GirlToGreat blog:
Insecurity is the root of all evil.
Go ahead, test out a few scenarios in your head. I’ll wait.
If you peel the onion a bit (or maybe you don’t have to peel at all), you’ll see that insecurity is at the root of all manner of global evils and the ones that pop up in daily life that you might be blaming on others:
Not getting paid what you’re worth (I lack the confidence to ask for that raise or to leave)
“Settling” for a crappy job, relationship, etc. (I don’t deserve better and can’t compete at a higher level)
Waiting to be acknowledged and rewarded (I’m not capable of driving outcomes)
Passive-aggressiveness (I can’t speak my mind, so I punish others for not reading my mind)
Self-centeredness (if I let up on my self-vigilance, no one will ever notice me)
Arrogance (my bluster hides my weakness, and promoting others diminishes me)
Territorialism (if I lose my fiefdom, nothing remains)
Jealousy (they’ve all got something I don’t)
Perfectionism (flaws reflect my incompetence)
Sound like you or someone you know? Maybe it reminds you of an entire company. Isn’t it a relief to know that swaths of undesirable behaviors and situations can be eliminated by dealing with one root cause? It certainly has been for me. Early in my career, I faced the fact that it was my own insecurity, not the male power structures at the companies I worked for, that was keeping me from pursuing and scoring higher-level positions. Once I nipped my insecurity in the bud, the opportunities flowed and I actually began to enjoy testing the limits of my own nerve. Dealing with insecurity, wrestling it to the ground and choking off its air supply is the biggest favor you will ever do for yourself.
Girl To Great Mandates
Recognize insecurity in yourself and in others, regardless of what it looks like on the surface.
Build others’ confidence (even through gritted teeth); it’s easier and more effective than what you’ve done in the past. Bonus? Most are too self-centered to try this. Instant differentiation!
Insecure people fall on a spectrum from annoying to dangerous. Assess the degrees you face, and deal – or avoid – accordingly.
When something or someone is driving you to distraction, identify the insecurity in the situation (yours and theirs) first. In most cases, you won’t have to look any further for a cause.
Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen?” Few possibilities are as cataclysmic as we imagine. Explore beyond your comfort zone; it’s an insecurity slayer!
We’re all insecure some of the time. Relegating insecurity to being a rare exception rather than letting it rule your life will have ripple effects that grow into tidal waves of empowerment.
Isn’t that great??